Who's the biggest pervert?
by Midori Ryuu
Summary: Wai! I'm insane! It's a Bakuretsu Hunters and Outlaw Star crossover! What chaos ensues?


**Who's the biggest pervert?  
**Part One!  
Senile old man!  
*  


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. This is merely the product of my hyperactive imagination. No offense is intended towards anybody. Dear Suzaku, no! Have I written a serious disclaimer? Also, please excuse my references to blondes and plastic surgery. Gateau is underappreciated...  


*  


Carrot was nearly hopping with joy, except for the fact that Tira and Chocolate had tied his hands and feet together. But that couldn't get him down! They were going to visit justice upon an evil sorcerer, and he had plans to "liberate" the young woman he was holding captive.  
He laughed inwardly, and went into one of his little daydreams...  
"I have come to free you!" the older Glace brother exclaimed, as he burst into the room of a scantily clad girl with a body that would make Pamela Anderson go out and get a boob job out of jealousy.  
"Eek!" the girl screamed as she ran over and glomped onto her... ahem... "liberator."  
Carrot laughed pervertedly as his face turned the color of a tomato as the part of the daydream that didn't need to be censored ended. In response to his laughter, Tira nonchalantly kicked him in the face. ...And he ceased laughing, along with consciousness.  


**  


The odd group arrived at their destination. As usual, the sorcerer lived in a huge mansion.  
"If they really want to avoid suspicion," Marron mused. "They should live in houses just like everybody else's."  
"Well, how will we sneak in this time?" Tira wondered.  
"They-" Carrot began.  
"We should jump the fence and sneak in a window," Marron said sensibly.  
"Uhh... They left their..." the horny seventeen year old tried to squeeze in. (Remove your mind from the gutter.)  
"Maybe I could hook a wire onto a tree in the yard and we could slide in," Chocolate offered.  
"They..."  
"I could break the gate down," Gateau suggested.  
"Hey!" Carrot burst out.  
"Huh?" they all blinked, staring at him as if he had started rambling.  
"They left the gate unlocked and I can see an open window from here!" he explained, exasperated at their lack of ability to grasp the obvious.  
"How careless of them," Chocolate muttered.  
"It's probably a trap..." Marron reasoned.  
"Or they don't fear the peasants and it's open because it's SUMMER!" Carrot continued.  
Meanwhile, as they were arguing, Tira walked into their yard, climbed up a water drainage pipe, and snuck into the open window.  
Gateau, knowing better than to join the argument, was the first to notice. "Where's Tira?"  
"Oh, she just went into the open window," Chocolate said, as if it were nothing.  
And then reality bitchslapped them all. "SHE WENT INTO THE OPEN WINDOW ALONE?"   
They sprinted after her. Carrot didn't bother with the drainage pipe; he simply ran up the wall in a literal sense.  
They were greeted in a rather unlikely manner: Tira was sitting next the the captive girl and the sorcerer, sipping tea. "What took you so long?"  
Marron, being the first one to snap out of the facefault, inquired: "Tira-chan, why are you having tea with the enemy?"  
"Lord Gummy Worms has agreed to go peacefully as long as we don't kill him," she explained calmly.  
Marron nodded, still somewhat in shock.  
Carrot stared at the girl that Lord Gummy Worms had held captive. There was something strange about her; she smelled of chlorine and she had no pupils. He shrugged; she was beautiful, so he could forgive her of her... conditions.   
Lord Gummy Worms looked up. He was an incredibly ugly old man that looked a bit like a squished frog. "I'll need help dismantling my laboratory before we go. The chemicals and potions could explode if not tended to."  
"Yes, of course," Marron agreed, somewhat incredulously.  
Suspicious of the beverage, Carrot sniffed a few vapors that escaped the teapot. Then he blinked; for a brief, fleeting moment, Lord Gummy Worms had looked like a gorgeous woman.   
"Tira must've kicked me harder than I thought..." he mumbled to himself.  


**  


Carrot curiously looked around - to avoid suspicions when he stared at the pupil-less girl's chest - at the big machines and chemistry sets. Everything looked so ominous, unlike their funny looking creator.  
"This," Lord Gummy Worms narrated as he came to a sudden stop, almost making Marron bump into Gateau, which would've given the large blonde... ahem... ideas. "Is my Pan-Dimensional Transporter."  
"Oooo. Ahhh," the group said with false awe.   
It looked like a big cardboard box with buttons taped to it   
"Wanna see how it works?" the ugly old man asked eagerly, almost drooling.  
Deciding to humor the allegedly insane old man, Carrot and Co. stepped into the box. The inside actually looked like a machine.  
"Hahaha! You fools! Trusting an old man to be senile! Now, I'll be rid of you!" Lord Gummy Worms cackled as he pulled off the cardboard box and pressed a big red button.  
Before the old man could even heard their gasps, lights flashed around them. A feeling similar to that of being inside a fast elevator, going up, made their stomachs twist.  
Suddenly, the flashing lights ceased, and they found themselves in some sort of cargo hold. Even more unexpectedly, whatever it was they were on began to move very quickly. Tira flew back into a wall, to be splatted on by Chocolate, who Carrot was thrown against.  
"I wish I could enjoy this experience, Darling," Chocolate said with dry humor.  
At the same time, Marron flew into a wall, only to have Gateau thrown against him. The muscly blonde blushed and laughed a bit.  


**  


Jim Hawking blinked as they finished taking off.  
"Hey, Gene, was it just me, or did you hear something coming from the cargo hold?"  
"Yeah... It sounded kind of like flesh being smashed against metal," the red-haired womanizer replied.  
The young blonde genius shrugged it off.  


  


  
  



End file.
